When I listen to the stories I tell myself about life, I sure hope this is so!
Einstein said the most important question we need to ask is this:
“Is the universe friendly?”
I believe he seriously wrestled with that question and did come to the conclusion that it was. And he also said that if God had the cards stacked, that they were stacked in our favor.
Yes, I do believe reality is much kinder than my inner critic is.
It must be! Because I hear the sad, sad stories that go on inside me, the superego that is going on and on about general poverty, despair, and world conditions. Such painful stories!
But I’m the one who has the power to break into that conversation and stop the inner voice that tells me how bad things are.
I’m the one who makes the choice of which voice I entertain.
My ongoing practice is to notice when the inner critic is carrying on. The sure sign that this is happening is that I’m distressed and hurting.
Yes, superego has taken over the wheel of the ship. The pilot has walked away, left the watch.
Then I do two things.
I give this voice that feels so lost and so unloved a few minutes to talk. I listen. I feel its pain. I feel how tortured this personality is.
As I deeply pay attention, I physically change my posture. I stop, stand still and wrap my arms around me because I’m really hurting.
There’s a child inside me that has accepted limited information about life and is very frightened.
As I do this sometimes I notice that I don’t feel worthy of being loved. I feel ashamed.
But I make the decision to love myself anyway, because there is hurt, and hurt needs healing. Pain and sadness need a soft touch, a warm heart.
Today I will hold that fearful child.
Later I will use my journal, but for now. I just love. I’ll get as close as I can to this hurting child, I’ll listen to her because I care. So I hold her in my heart.
And this is what I can do. Who knows if it is enough? It is what I can offer at this moment.
And it comes from inside me. It’s mine to give. I can give, or I can withhold love. This is my choice.
“If you have received freely, give freely,” Matt 10:8
If this is a universe of loving energy, then it’s been giving to me all along — whether or not I have noticed.
So I need to give love, no matter if I think it’s deserved, just give it.
As I do this practice I gradually feel relief and gratitude inside. Some of the walls of resentment seem to dissolve.
Gosh, seems as if this is a friendly universe after all, a place of lovingkindness.
I sure feel better.
And it feels real. The new story I'm hearing inside is certainly greater than all those little stories I have been telling myself, those of separation and abandonment.
So I continue simply breathing and holding this being lovingly in my arms. I wait in the presence of Beingness Itself.
Love is here for me (and everyone) to use.
So, I think on these things. I think about the friendliness of the energy that gives me life.
I think on the possibility of a future, living in this love. It’s here now. God is either here now, or not at all. Which will it be?
I tell myself new stories. Stories that say things like, “You’re really doing the best that you can. Be patient. Trust the spirit that gives life. Trust the spirit that grows us all.
Wait in the silence, Billie, Wait. God is here. God is love. Love is so friendly!
Love is that which afflicts the comfortable and comforts the afflicted.
Love is that which can’t be hurt or destroyed. That which is sown will be reaped.
That is real love, and its kind!
God bless us all!