In studying the Enneagram, (the ancient tool of disentangling from the unhealthy aspects of the personality and bringing forth our Holy gifts) I find that I fit into the category just made for perfectionists. That is a One on the nine pointed graph of soul energies.
Being a One on the Enneagram circle of life means that I have a great desire for a perfect world and I notice when things aren’t. The downside is that is Ones tend to get angry and resentful about this condition.
And the really unhealthy side of a One is that they speak it out!
That really makes people angry, as my four children have clearly and often pointed out.
No one wants to be around someone who feels so righteous about noticing and declaring what doesn’t fit in this beautiful and perfect world they see. Not even me!
I was dialoguing with God one day in my journal. I pointed out all my errors and shortcomings and bemoaned my imperfect status, whining about not being able to make myself more perfect, even though I really, really try to do the right things every day.
After I had poured out all my troubles to God, I wrote God’s name in the margin, closed my eyes and became the magnificent Creator of this entire universe as best I could, allowing God to speak back to me.
God answered: “It’s OK, Billie, because I work best through imperfect people. The holes in them give me space to work.”
My angst turned into relief. I felt the grace of God as I opened to this new awareness.
I now have this note taped to the front of my computer screen:
“The holes in you give me space to work.” Signed God.
As Dr. Jean Houston once declared at a seminar that it is our holes that makes us Holy, because we then are permeable to Spirit.
Humility is the greatest opening for grace.
And how wonderful it is to let go of that monster of a task master, trying to be perfect!
Only God is perfect.
I now have these thoughts to work with:
It’s OK that I have holes in my personality. This gives God working room. I lovingly hold myself in my own heart, giving thanks because I really do try. Heaven knows it’s not easy.
So, this week I invite you to use this affirmation with me, if it speaks to you:
I LOVE MYSELF FOR THE GREAT EFFORT I MAKE TO SHARE MY LOVE WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS