While all the time
I am being carried on great winds across the sky.
- Chippewa Indian proverb
Yesterday I was having a few if those “Oh, pitiful me, I’m feeling so stuck” moments, so I slowed down to watch these thoughts and the accompanying emotions move through my mind and body.
I closed my eyes, focused on my breath, and allowed myself to feel all my feelings. Great sadness flowed. Tears came. I continued to observe what my mind was doing. I breathed. I felt the sensations. I watched and I waited.
It was not a pretty sight.
After a few minutes of deep sadness a Chippewa proverb (above) came to my mind and then I became aware of something else.
There was movement going on in my mind.
I was not stuck! You can’t be stuck and be moving at the same time. It’s impossible. Where there is movement, change is possible.
I saw that I had made up a story about the “what isness” of my life. I interpreted myself as stuck because things weren’t going the way I wanted. This was a humbling thought. Oh, that ego, pushing its demands on me again.
Nevertheless I stayed with the process. I allowed myself to be “with” all that was taking place within me. Rather than interpret and make up stories about my life, I became aware of what was really happening within my body.
There was continual movement inside me. This was a huge thing — like I was seeing for the first time.
I wasn’t stuck. The only thing stuck was my interpretation, my story about the situation.
Life was moving. Just like the breath. It always moves. A sense of hope stirred within me. The sun came out again. I felt a burst of love in my heart.
Life really flows. In the midst of this I asked, “But Billie, do you trust this flow? Or do you have to push it and organize it?”
As I listened for answers, I noticed something else. The breath was actually carrying away all my thoughts. One after the other, the breath was moving every thought from me.
I was the only one holding onto these thoughts, or trying to. It was up to me whether to cling — or let them drift away.
“The psyche is always trying to heal itself. Healing is my nature,” my mind spoke.
Relieved, I decided to let the psyche do its job. Flow with it, rather than hold onto my opinions. There is a path to liberation. Will I follow the path?
As I responded affirmatively, a new sense of freedom entered my soul. It was like applying non stick spray to the stickiness of my mind. I suddenly felt lighter, more joyful.
I saw that “stuckness” can be an ally. By working with it, new insight comes.
Whatever life brings us can be used for healing.
Even when we think we are in a hole, or that something horrible is happening, or might happen, no matter how frightening, we can open ourselves to a larger story.
In truth Spirit is always moving me across the great sky of my life.
I’m always in good hands. And so are you! What a journey life is, when we learn to trust Spirit.