Blog Archives

COMFORT ZONES

3/26/2016

The more we try to control things so that we might be comfortable and feel secure, the more stress we will feel. For there is very little we can control! Trying to do so simply keeps us frustrated, as most things are ultimately out of our grasp.

But there are two areas in which we do have control—our intention and our attention.

For instance, where is your attention right now? Besides reading this, what else is going on? What emotions are moving through you? How much tension are you holding in your body?

How much time do you spend trying to get another thing scratched off your “to-do” list? Are you thinking about what is next?

What are you attending to? Is your attention fully in this moment, or in what’s next, or in what has been, and is no longer?

Where we place our intention and our attention ultimately determine our happiness or unhappiness—whether we feel at ease, optimistic—or stressed out, frustrated, and perhaps cynical.

Our intention is our soul compass, pointing in the direction we wish to go. It will head towards what we value.
We might be surprised to find how high our comfort zone ranks in our values.

We value what goes on in our mind—what we give space and time to.

What stories do we tell ourselves? What issues and challenges cycle round and round? Are we trying to figure things out? If so, that is our intention.

It may fall a little short of happiness, as we understand so little of all that is taking place at any minute. It is more helpful to remember that there is something within that knows the way—as we get still and listen.

It may be out of our comfort zone to really notice what we’re thinking and feeling. And it’s often humbling.

For instance, are we often engaged in trying to ‘make something happen,’ to give things a push this way or that to come out the way we desire?

Our clinging to what we want, and avoiding what we don’t want causes such pain! We tell ourselves we’ll be happy as soon as this (whatever it presently is) gets done. Have you noticed that never really happens, as something else looms up that requires our immediate attention, and we’re off again, trying to solve the next thing. Happiness, meantime, is waiting until that gets done!

How much time do we spend wishing things were different, not accepting what is presently taking place? This is painful. Check out the tension in your body when you are in this mode. (Tension constricts and causes pain and disease.)

Wanting and wishing things were different keep us in pain.
When we complain about life we are nourishing unhappiness, breathing life into these hurts.

Is this how we desire our lives to be? If not, it is necessary to remove our attention from them. Not easy, just necessary!

We can (when we truly desire) return to the place we have control. We can switch lanes and pay attention to what is happening right now. Just this. Breathe deeply with awareness of this process that is moving through us.
Attend to this moment.

When disappointment arises, I invite the feelings in. I note where they are in my body. I investigate what is beneath these thoughts. What am I afraid of? What is the story I’m telling myself?

I get honest with myself, revealing what is really going on in my mind and heart. I can’t control the past or the future, but I can pay attention to what I am thinking now.

I let the sadness be just that, sad. This is how it is for me, for now.

Can I bear the uncertainty of not knowing what is going to happen? For just this moment? Can I stop “imagining train wrecks” and simply be with what is taking place now? With this breath?

This is what I value. For mind is the beginning of everything.

My focus is on what takes place in the mind I inhabit, for my happiness depends on this. And it’s not always comfortable!

Do we want to be comfortable, or trust the Isness of all that is. It’s called many things. Presence is one. God is another.

The divine nature of Creation is within us, and around us. It’s in the breath that breathes us, right now. It’s giving to us whatever we are willing to receive.

Will we trust the loving Presence that created us and never leaves us?

If so, we understand that we are sustained and grounded in an invisible, but, oh, so real, energy field that always has our best interests in mind.

This view may be out of our comfort zone, as we have deeply conditioned patterns, old belief systems, that we were taught so well as we grew up.

Which do we value? The old conditioning? Or that place deep in our heart and soul that calls us into the unknown?
Will we attend to each moment so we don’t lose our way?

This is the place of transformation, and there are no guaranties that we will always be comfortable along the journey.

This energy is always giving. We only need to receive—become open and receptive to this energy.

It may be out of our comfort zone at first, but as we practice this process it becomes more natural and fulfills us in wonderful ways.

Practice makes progress.

The world is not what it appears.

Jesus’ said, “Do not judge by appearances.” He might have added, “Because they are always changing and therefore unreliable. They don’t tell the full story.”

We need to go below what seems to be and ask our motive for seeing it this way. We can investigate. Here is where we have control.

What I have discovered is that I don’t have to be comfortable, just be.

Just let things move as they will. Attend to what I am thinking, feeling and telling myself. For out of this comes my experience of life!

In mindfulness,

Rev. Billie

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CREATING OUR PATH

3/21/2016

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We create our path by walking it. Our path becomes alive as we take the next step.

Life is a sacred pilgrimage, an adventure.

We are all invited onto a path that has never been walked. It is the “road less traveled.” Will we take it?

A good way to begin is by doing the next right thing.
Amazing things take place when we make “doing the next right thing” our intention.

The willingness to do the next right thing keeps us in the now moment as the next right thing is just ONE thing (although our mind might instantly go to the next 3 or 4 things we should be accomplishing!)

We can’t take two or three steps at once. Just one.
And each single step takes place NOW—this moment.
Just as we only breathe one breath at a time, we can only move our feet one step at a time.

As we take the one next step, our entire world comes into being. It opens for us moment by moment. But sometimes we are hurrying into “what’s next” and we don’t pay attention to what is the next right thing.

Rushing simply doesn’t work for happiness or fulfillment.
As we slow down and view life as the great mysterious adventure it is, we patiently wait for the next right thing to show up.

Let life surprise us. We don’t have to figure everything out.
For instance, I felt stuck a moment ago about what direction I wanted to take in this writing, so I stopped, breathed mindfully, and inquired as to what was next.
At that moment I turned my head and saw the full, flowering cherry tree out my window.

I noticed dozens of bees taking in the sweetness of the blossoms. How beautiful it was to watch. I sat in awe and of this magnificent tree. It’s the same tree that looked so barren and dead just a few weeks ago. Or is it?

Then I wondered how all this beauty burst forth. How does this tree know how to do this?

We live in a profoundly beautiful and changing world! We simply don’t see it as it is—continually in movement!
After basking in the fragile glory of this moment, knowing these blossoms last for such a short time, I listened inside my own heart for the movement of spirit.

Spirit moves in the small hidden moments. Ideas pop up, people call, tasks loom before us. It’s all God.
Do the next right thing.

I decided to take a walk. I reflected on what my feet were doing, and what I was seeing, sensing and smelling. I became acutely aware of what my body was feeling. And I noted what my mind was thinking.

This led me back to the computer where I wrote these words. It was the next right thing for me.

And so, for you, what is the next step on your path? What is going on in your mind? What is your attitude at this moment? You are creating your life right now, thought by thought, moment by moment.

Is there something you are trying to push away? Are you wanting something?

This mind of ours has two remarkable habits--wanting something, or not wanting something. These habits have helped us survive, but they are not sufficient to create the joy and satisfaction that comes from expressing our authenticity.

Habitually we divide things up between good and bad, and thus live in duality. This causes much suffering.
Perhaps the next right thing is to relieve the suffering.
If you would like to do this, begin by investigating what your mind is doing. For out of it come the issues of your life.

Is there something uncomfortable, or frightening to you? Can you invite these emotional guests into the vastness of your mind, while continuing to breathe mindfully?

As you give them room, without identifying with them (they are just guests—temporary—won’t last) you’ll find they move on. They silently exit your house.

And then something else arises which calls to you. Will you mindfully engage with it?

Do the next right thing.

Wanting and not wanting cause suffering. It is our mind dividing things up between good and bad. By engaging mindfully with each experience, things smooth out and we receive the gifts, the understanding and meaning that all events want to bring us.

We can make a practice of not getting sucked into the content. Otherwise they stick to us like glue.
We can breathe, and feel our feelings. They are temporary guests in the guest house of our mind. Give them space, don’t believe the stories, and keep breathing! That which you need will reveal itself.

Return to that which you really value. Is it getting what you want? Or being happy?

There is a big difference! My late husband once said, “How can you be happy if you don’t get what you want?”
Through much study and meditation he began to see a new way, a way of ease, of letting go, releasing the hold on what the mind thinks it must have. It comes back to what we value. What is our intention?

Is our commitment to be a help, or a hindrance? To suffer or allow?

We help ourselves and others by allowing and accepting all that is right now, this moment.

And by asking, “What will be a blessing to myself and to others?”

Answers come in their own time, in their own way.

Every moment is a branch moment, a moment of shift. We make a new choice with each breath.

What are we doing, thinking and viewing? How are we seeing our world right now?

Perhaps there is another way to be and do whatever it is we are doing. Maybe more kindness is the answer.

And it is only the next right thing we need to do. Not the two or three that might follow it.

It’s like singing or dancing. If we get ahead of the music we won’t be in harmony. We’ll be out of step, out of sync. We will have lost the rhythm.

The next right thing doesn’t have to be something dramatic. Small gestures, made often, accomplish great things.

In mindfulness,

Rev. Billie

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PASSION AND COMPASSIO

3/14/2016

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Without passion we might not feel much like getting up in the morning.

And without compassion it might be better if we had stayed in bed. That is until we had some compassion, even a little, for ourselves, as this is the Hero’s Journey. No one said it would be easy!

Passion fuels us as we continue to attend to what we value most. If it is the accumulation of material goods we will not find happiness, nor security. For things can be taken from us any moment.

If we are striving for other’s approval so that we might feel loved or important, we will surely be disappointed, for we will find many times when this approval does not show up.

Having passion only for those we love and dedicating all our energies to serving them will lead to disillusion and pain, for we eventually will be separated from everyone and everything.

If we are passionate about improving our self-image and getting ahead we are headed toward a dead end street. For there is no race, except the human one. We’re all in this together.

Being passionate and engaged in the human potential of everyone can lead us into something much larger, and take us on adventures we never dreamed of. These are places that are extremely rewarding, that fulfill yearnings and bring ecstasy.

What really gets our juices up? What are the things we value most?

My passion is the exploration of inner resources, without which I won’t be able to express my authenticity. This is my hero’s journey.

And what a trip this is! The resources that turn out to be the most valuable I only find when I hit rock bottom—when I feel the most lost!

There is a story about four types of horses that describe the human condition which was allegedly shared by the Buddha.

The first horse totally understands what his rider wants and doesn’t need the whip or spur. This horse is so aligned with the rider that he simply intuits the rider’s mind. Total harmony exists between horse and rider.

The second horse is also very willing to obey the rider and only needs the slightest touch of the whip and then he, too, is headed just where the rider wants to go.

The third horse is much slower to comply. The rider sometimes has to bring the whip down hard to get this horse moving. But he does eventually get going.

The last type of horse needs to nearly be whipped to death before he moves!

The Buddha said we all like to think of ourselves as the first type of horse, or maybe the second, but in truth we are all more like the fourth!

I like that story because I can laugh at my sense of grandiosity!

I, too, would rather believe I really understand the plan and are in total alignment, yet the actuality is that I run into enough walls and dead ends to realize how little I know about where I need to be heading. And I feel the suffering of my thoughts and actions.

But the journey is such an adventure!

Everything is the dance, and stumble though we will, it is by getting up and trying again that we reap the rewards. It is by working through our periods of darkness when we have despaired of ever finding our way out, that we find the way.

This is how our compassion is so richly developed.

These necessary journeys come about when we have lost much or all of what, even the hope that we will ever find happiness. We often feel it’s useless to keep trying, so why bother?

This is necessary terrain we must all travel in order to find the path to our happiness and contentment with what is. It’s all the way it needs to be and couldn’t be anything other than the way it is.

Even Napoleon came to this truth. Near the end of his life he is quoted as saying, “Do you know what astonished me most in the world? The inability of force to create anything. In the long run, the sword is always beaten by the spirit.”

The spirit is resilient, filled with resources.

Compassion is developed over time and cannot be forced. It comes with a sense that we’re all right just the way we are. We don’t have to be the fastest horse, or the best in anything! Just the way we are is perfect for now—and it will change.

We develop a sense of humor when we relax our striving and get to really know ourselves with all our flaws. We acknowledge delusion as delusion. We come down to earth where we can really do our work.

That which we value can’t be forced, but it can be courted. And we can do the courting. We might feel unworthy of the great potential of the divine within us, but we simply show up in awe, and engage fully in the process.

Yes, it will involve difficulties, many of them. And yes, we won’t know how long it will take, nor even the way. We’ll sometimes (often) feel lost.

But as we keep on doing the kindest thing we can think of, the most generous, while holding ourselves compassionately, we’ll find grace.

Grace is the way.

It’s no accident we are here at this moment in life. We have gifts to share that are badly needed. We’ll be guided in the nature of these gifts as we take time in the silence, day after day.

As we quietly wait, and pay attention we will see the one slender thread that glistens, perhaps slightly, but it is the one for us to follow at this moment. It leads us into new terrain, out of the dark places into the light.

We don’t let go that thread. Just listen and follow guidance.

Remember this is the Hero’s Journey. We will be given all that we need to complete our portion of the task. And we also will have the joy in sharing what we have discovered.
Let’s be compassionate with all our fellow travelers.
Remember, we’re all that fourth horse!

In Patience,

Rev. Billie

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TAKE HEART

3/8/2016

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Jesus has said the issues of life flow from our hearts. The heart has a brain of its own as all mystics have known, and “HeartMath” has scientifically proven.

The heart is a magnificent, awesome organ containing much wisdom and also bears much suffering. Our heart has everything within it for a full and satisfying life. We grow in wisdom through meeting suffering in a skillful way.
The attitude in which we meet every situation will either bring more peace, or more suffering. It’s up to us.

“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” There is relief!
The Buddha said that he teaches one thing and only one thing: relief from suffering.

Fear causes suffering. Jesus has said that “Perfect love casts out all fear.”

In Aramaic (the language that Jesus spoke) the word “perfect’ means “all inclusive.” In other words, how much are we willing to include as opposed to pushing away what we don’t like, trying to get rid of it?

When we are willing to open to what is happening, pushing nothing away, we experience perfection, in Jesus’ terms.

We take heart by opening to what we have previously been avoiding. There is a way to simply sit with difficult emotions, and breathe with them. That’s all.

We find they pass, dissolve—emotions cannot last more than about one and a half minutes unless we latch onto the story they are connected to, thus bringing them back again.

Our heart clears and we find we can work with whatever comes.

Yes, the thing we most don’t want to do, experience the hurts and humiliations buried in our heart, is what brings forth peace and equanimity.

Just because we haven’t found our emotions convenient to feel, or have been too overwhelmed and frightened doesn’t mean repression hasn’t been working against us. These are the buried memories and experiences—hidden in the dark places of our mind—that work underground and do their damage unconsciously.

It is not by visualizing light that we become enlightened. Instead we learn to take our own light—our attention-- into the darkness—right to the places where we have repressed what we didn’t want or didn’t know how to deal with. Through this process we open our heart to the experience of joy and contentment.

This is counter-intuitive. We embrace the shadow, the fears and buried hurts, to find our freedom.

Out of this process we find resolution to long standing problems, but this takes effort. Wisdom shows us the way through what was seemingly unpassable.

Over the years I have learned that God is not convenient, and life doesn’t follow my agenda.

Life gets easier when I let go of the struggle and allow the mysterious force that demands growth to unfold in a natural, organic way.

So the wisest thing I can do is open my heart and be compassionate toward whatever and however I am feeling at this moment.

Please read The Guest House by Rumi. It’s easy to look up on the internet. Embracing, opening to, whatever arises each day is essential.

Love is an energy that transforms all that it touches, for this is its nature. The energy of love has been evolving our world for over 13 billion years. Maybe it’s time to trust it!

Love has its own rhythm, its own timing. Love cannot be forced, but comes to us through our willingness. It is a matter of surrendering to divine love, and letting it guide.
Humility is the place where we acquiesce to that which is higher and allow ourselves to live in this grace, which has always been here for us.

We admit we don’t know the plan, and allow the skill of meeting what is in our heart to help us.

We take heart by letting go and trusting the very breath that is breathing us. It does a mighty good job of keeping us alive. What else might it do if we opened ourselves to this amazing resource? Perhaps help us relax and release what we’ve held in such a tight grip?

Relaxation and patience allow the wise heart to lead, rather than the compulsive one. Patience opens space for understanding to develop.

“If you understand, things are as they are. If you don’t understand, things still are just as they are.” A Zen saying.

I find it easiest to note any tendency to use toxic words, to judge, compare or try to divide things up between good and bad.

How can the very flow of the universe be divided up between good and bad? How can the ocean divide the waves up? It is fundamentally One Thing. That’s what universe means; One Verse. It is indivisible.

Hurt can only be relieved by finding ways to include what we have felt aversive toward, tried to push away, control or eradicate.

There is an old saying that contains much wisdom:
“They drew a circle and left me out. But love and I had the wit to win. We drew a circle and included them in.”

Inclusivity won’t hurt us; it heals. There is a gift within everyone and everything. All gifts need to be brought to the table if we are going to be whole. Nothing can be left out.

We don’t have to dance with everyone. We use wisdom in choosing our dance partners. But throwing them out of our heart will cause suffering.

Each day I notice that which irritates. Here is a pearl, waiting to come forth. And I do my best to find a way to open to it, to work with it. I continue using lovingkindness (metta) with each person.

Within the irritant I find a gem that had been unnoticed. As I go within my heart and dialogue deeply in my journal with the person or situation that has disturbed or frightened me, I find the irritant actually came with a friendly intention. As we listen to each other through dialogue answers that are mutually beneficial arise.
It’s amazing how love and openness transform!

I ask what is mine to do today. Let me do the small thing that is right here in my path. It will lead to the next, and to the next.

I’m just grateful that I can do my part.

Rev. Billie

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“When possible, be kind. And it’s always possible to be kind.” The Dalai Lama

3/2/2016

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Do we sometimes think that we must feel kind in order to be kind?
Kindness can be cultivated by keeping our intention at the forefront of our minds, rather than only being kind when we are not too stressed out. It takes patience and willingness.
Each of us will have a different concept about what is kind. Let’s explore.
The German philosopher, Nietzsche, commented that in nature it is often the gentle hand that kills.
My understanding of Nietzsche’s comment is that pseudo kindness (too much softness) is unbalanced, and actually indulges poor behavior. It ends up weakening by overprotecting.
This is not kind. It lacks courage and wisdom.
You and I are organic creations of the universe and can withstand suffering. There is a way to allow and accept suffering that dissolves it.
Denial, or indulgence, are cover ups for what we don’t want to look at—that which may be inconvenient, but necessary.
Denial enables rather than empowers, for needed information is withheld. Someone (perhaps ourselves) has tried to protect us from the truth of the situation.
We may be vulnerable, but not weak. We are strong enough to bear what comes to us each day. It is our “daily bread,” our opportunities for spiritual growth.
Blame is never kind and is always off the path. It keeps us small, for we can only see a small slice of the situation. Blame distorts, and thus misses the larger truth.
It would be silly to blame a car for not being as fast as an airplane, or a six year old for not understanding algebra.
Kindness entails shifting from blame to asking, “And what else?” We then ask what will bring wholeness to this situation, and open ourselves to seeing anew. We gather as much information as possible and pay close attention to how our heart feels.
“In the light of all this, what should we do?” We listen and allow guidance to lead us.
Kindness can be spontaneous, but it will not be compulsive. It is born out of a patient, steadfast and open heart. Not hit or miss.
Kindness contains restraint. Timing is vital.
Blurting our thoughts out is often cruel. Restraint asks us to look and reflect before we leap, otherwise our actions can do more damage than help.
Kindness is not defensive. Anything needing defense is weak.
Truth stands alone, needs nothing to lean on for support. Truth is the essence of reality, of what is.
I do my best to notice when I get defensive, explaining myself (even to myself.) I realize I must have found a weak spot—a place that needs propping up.
So, I drop the explanations and breathe. “What is my motive?” I ask.
When hurt and frustration boil up, there are appropriate, non-damaging ways to express these strong feelings.
For instance when we feel like throwing something, we can count ten deep breaths, then find a very private place and scream! This does not pollute the energy within and around us.
Or find a place where no one can hear or see us, take a tennis racket and hit a mattress while yelling at the top of our lungs. Or we can pound a pillow.
None of the above causes physical or emotional hurt to ourselves or to another. These actions can release pent up emotions that have been buried for ages. This gives us a space so that we can journal, dialogue with these situations, meditate upon what our mind is doing and thus discover inner motives and work with deeper psychological processes.
Throughout these processes it may be very important to seek spiritual counseling and professional help. These may be the kindest things we can do for ourselves.
We cannot do this spiritual work alone. We need a helpful community, even of one other person.
And how kind is our speech? Words have a powerful influence and we use a great many words every day, either aloud or to ourselves.
Kind speech fulfills these four qualities:

Is it truthful?
Is it helpful, necessary?
Does it come from a kind heart?
Is it timely and appropriate?

And what about exaggerations? A good story often requires exaggerations of some sort, but if they are passed off as factual the intention is to deceive.
I do my best to notice when I want to make myself look important by spinning the facts in my favor. I stop, swallow and shut up.
Gandhi strongly advised that we make injustice visible. It is how we bring injustice into visibility that makes the difference.
What is our intention, our motivation? How patient are we? How generous do we feel? Or is our intent to blame and slander?
Warm-heartedness stems from generosity. Do we believe there is abundance for all? Are we willing to share our resources? The truth is we are all interconnected and what we do affects everyone.
Or are we trying to just get “ours” and let others manage the best they can?
Confession is good for the soul. Can we be compassionate as we own up to where we have missed the mark?
Perhaps we haven’t been taught or given kindness, but we can develop it by doing our best to give it to ourselves and others.
As the Dalai Lama has said: Kindness is my religion.
Perhaps this is a religion we can all join.

In lovingkindness,

Rev. Billie

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