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FALSE HOPE OR FALSE DESPAIR?

6/23/2019

So often I’ve heard from well-wishers that it is important not to have false hope. “Better to face reality,” they say.

But what about false despair?

Often if we give up hope we fall into despair. Despair is always false.

Despair and cynicism go together. We become cynical when we have had so many disappointments and losses that we did not attend to in a skillful manner. Often people say “Next” and move onto something else, rather than attending to their sadness and hurt. Overtime this develops a hard and even bitter attitude. It turns into hopelessness that things will get better over time.

I like the Eastern proverb that says, “If it’s not good. It’s not the end.” For there is always an eventual outworking of something higher and greater. It is a long arc, but it proceeds upward.

“Cynicism is a choice. Hope is a better choice,” Obama has wisely said.

Hope is a path towards wisdom and joy.

Hope is not wishing. Hope is something that requires effort. It often involves struggle between opening to possibilities and giving in to old habits, such as resignation and despair.

Hope (true hope—not false hope) is not connected to a certain outcome. It is an openness that believes the best possible result is already in process and will take place in due season.

Hope is patient. We await its unfolding.

And while we wait we continue to note what our attitude is. We practice mindfulness as we live each day. What is our mind doing? We step back and observe what is taking place in our mind and body.

True hope helps us release our opinions about what should happen. We realize that we really don’t know what should happen. And we remind ourselves the facts of evolutions. This great world has been evolving for the last 14 and ½ billion years. It knows how to grow and unfold. And we don’t. We begin to remember to rely on something beyond our knowing.

True hope includes faith in something higher and greater than anything we have ever experienced. It opens us to the unknown.

We might take climate change as an example. We hear plenty of information about the damage we are doing daily to our planet. We have evidence this is so by all the disastrous weather changes, storms, hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, earthquakes, etc. that fill the news every day.

With all that is happening it is all too easy to give in to despair, believing there is no hope and that we are doomed.

I believe there is hope. But I don’t pretend to know how or what will take place to bring back balance to our beautiful Mother Earth.

First we must accept the facts of climate change and ask what we can do to help. And there is plenty. There are so many organizations in which we can become involved. We can vote for officials who believe in climate change and are willing to go toe to toe with the major offenders and polluters.

But what about our personal concerns? What is happening in our lives that may be causing anxiety or despair? How can we choose the path of hope, not knowing what the outcome will be? Hope is a way of building new neural pathways for new outcomes that will bless.

We can turn and face our dilemma knowing we are not alone. For everyone has challenges to face. It’s part of being human and learning new ways to freedom.

Whatever we are frightened about let us know that thousands of others are facing something that has a similar feeling. We are all in this together. As we join together, finding mutual support, we shall work through the difficulties.

Let us not lose hope. It is a pathway to something greater.

In great hope,

Rev. Billie

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DON’T STIR THE SUFFERING POT

6/16/2019

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It is very likely that each of us has one or more places of suffering in our lives as there is usually some challenge or difficulty we are facing.

Challenges are the driving force of life that causes us to evolve both physically and spiritually. We develop strength and wisdom by moving through the wounded and frightened places within our soul—even more than the places of calm and ease.

As the saying goes, “No mud; no lotus.” The lotus is a metaphor for the pure Essence of Being.

But we don’t have to stir the pot of suffering.

There are more helpful ways of meeting these places of annoyance, frustration and fear. We all have access to the healing touch.

It is my experience that healing does not come until we first accept the hurt, fear or anger without trying to run away or fix it. As we skillfully engage the suffering, accepting that this is the way it is for us now, we walk the path of healing and spiritual growth.

I have found the phrase “This is the way it is for me for now. And it will change” very helpful in helping me move me from fighting the problem, or ignoring it through distractions, into new ways of seeing and acting.

As I repeat this phrase again and again to myself I realize and begin accepting what is. This allows movement towards seeing the situation in a holistic way. Our seeing changes things.

By using this phrase I begin breathing deeply and allowing things to be just as they are. It is such a relief actually. I let go of that huge burden of worrying and trying to figure things out.

And then I begin to see the cosmic joke! After all, things already are just as they are. I’m not the one who allows it. It is already exactly as it is regardless of what I think about it! I’m the one who chooses to acknowledge it, to let it be, or to fight it.

Life doesn’t need our approval—only our acceptance.

Acknowledgment that things are as they are moves us into a place of truth. We take our blinders off. We admit the facts of the situation without deciding whether it’s good or bad.

It just is the way it is.

Things are not right or wrong (except in our view). They simply are the way they are.

And the way things are always leads to the next step. Life never misses a step. It doesn’t leap frog over anything, but evolves gradually, step by step. Whatever we are facing is what we must find a way through.

The way out is in and through. We can’t fly over and avoid what is before us.

It’s our choice whether we will follow the organic, natural flow of life or not.

My experience is that when I use equanimity phrases, such as the one above, I don’t stir the pot of suffering, I begin moving through the situation with more ease and grace.

Acceptance is the way things change and evolve.

Our emotions also need acceptance. Indulging or ignoring our emotions will not help us through our difficulties. Perhaps it may provide temporary relief, but finding healthy ways to experience our emotions is needed for real change.

Emotions need to be felt, but not identified with. It is wise not to act out our negative emotions, as this is definitely stirring the pot of suffering.

When we can stop telling the stories that are connected with strong emotions and instead let them be what they are, we step a bit away from them and can better see them for what they are. Emotions are energy in motion.

Each emotion lasts only a few seconds unless we repeat the story that is connected to it. Our story is just one point of view. There are many, many ways to see things.

Acceptance of our pain and our wounded places is vital. As we listen to ourselves with compassion, giving ourselves love, we note the hurt while knowing this is just a process we are going through—and we will learn much as on this journey.

We are a soul moving through life, learning and gaining wisdom by moving through challenges. It is important to note the courage it takes to do this.

Courage is always within our heart and available to us.

We cannot avoid and short cut our experiences. Distractions only prolong the suffering.

We need to engage with the experience without identifying with it. It is just stuff that happens.

A skilled therapist is an amazing help. We all need professional help from time to time. Perhaps more often than we realize.

Also vital is a practice of mindfulness and meditation.

Acknowledgment of our suffering is not indulgence. Acknowledgment does not include going round and round, stirring up the same memories, facts and conclusions, like a gerbil running on an endless wheel, but not getting anywhere.

Equanimity is an ancient Buddhist practice that leads to acceptance. Below are a few more helpful phrases:

All beings are the owners of their actions, heirs to their action. Their happiness of unhappiness depends upon their action and not upon my wishes.

All beings have their own journey, according to their karma.

Joy and sorrow pass away. This is part of the journey.

Whether I understand it or not, things are unfolding according to their true nature.

These phrases can help only when we use them!

This is my wish for you: “May you choose to accept what life presents you and develop mastery by moving through each challenge with grace and kindness.”

In lovingkindness,

Rev. Billie

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LIVING IN EASE AND KINDNESS

6/10/2019

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The phrase “May you live in ease and kindness” is becoming wired into my brain. It has become automatic now to say these words, may you live in ease and kindness each time I think of someone who may be going through a challenge. It is an integral part of my lovingkindness practice.

Lovingkindness is an ancient practice that is a core of the Buddha’s teaching. It is an impersonal type of love that blesses all and has no expectations of outcome. It simply wishes well for everyone.

Lovingkindness has no rules and no demands. It develops a spirit of goodwill towards all life forms. The phrases one chooses to use are like love seeds that drop right into their heart and soul. Over time one’s manner of seeing themselves and others transforms into a spirit of goodwill toward all.

If you wish to know more about this ancient practice, the book by Sharon Salzberg LOVINGKINDNESS is filled with helpful information.

In the phrase I have chosen to use, the word “ease” doesn’t mean that I’m suggesting life will be easy for someone, but rather that they will move through their difficulties with ease and grace.
We all meet challenges in life and need to learn how to meet them in ways that cause the least problems and bring the most benefits.

Our challenges are what causes us to grow. They teach us to see differently and act in ways that bring value to the whole world, for all life is interconnected.

“Take things by their smooth handle” as Thomas Jefferson wisely said.

The word “kindness” includes mercy and grace and is an attitude that helps every situation.

The Dalai Lama has said, “When possible be kind—and it is always possible.”

The words “may I live in ease and kindness” and “may all beings live in ease and kindness” are like the background music in my mind. These words fill me with comfort.

This attitude helps me move through the difficulties of my life. The old default of worry and fear that I so quickly fell into seems to be losing some of its steam. And I don’t find blame being triggered nearly as often as it was in the past.

There is always a new way of seeing things! This is a fact as change is constant. Change demands that we look at things in a new way, for the past is gone. Our old view is no longer valid. We may as well let it go.

I find it helpful to start with the “don’t know” mind. Not knowing clears the deck and releases old prejudices and blind spots, because we know so little of anything that happens. Facts are very different from the Truth.

Truth is the full reality of every moment and is so much greater and more beautiful than any of us can see. We see through the lenses of our beliefs. This limits us to a very small view of the Infinite that is always here, always in flow, and always evolving into something greater.

There are so many ways of meeting the constant changes in life. I find it helpful to meditate daily, study new materials about spirituality in any form, and practice the ancient Buddhist way of lovingkindness.

Thus I give you this message—straight from my heart to yours:
May you live in ease and kindness.
May you allow mercy and lovingkindness into your life.
May you accept life as it is this moment and know that it is
leading you into ultimate beauty and goodness.
May you rest in the arms of the everlasting love of God!

You may choose any phrases of goodwill that you find helpful. Just remember to use them throughout your days and nights.

In lovingkindness,

Rev. Billie

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DOES BLAME HELP?

6/3/2019

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When an event takes place that we didn’t want to happen we often begin to blame. Blame can be an automatic reaction when we feel anger or fear.

But does it help?

It may bring temporary relief by keeping the adrenalin flowing giving us the ability to fight or run, but in the long run how helpful is it?

It has been said that blame helps people feel good while they are feeling bad.

Blame may help us feel better for a short time, but it causes us to stay angry for longer periods and thus keeps adrenalin flowing, weakening our body and reducing the chance of obtaining a workable solution to the problem.

Blame keeps our focus on who made the mistake rather than seeking helpful answers that bring healing light into the situation.
When we really understand that blame doesn’t help we may begin to seek what will. I recommend investigating what our mind is doing each time we fall into the old habit. How are we seeing life?

As I explore the sensations of blame, beginning with my body, I find it really doesn’t feel good. My body feels anxious and restless.

Blaming someone causes me to be stirred up, angry and feeling overwhelmed. My heart is not calm. Energy bounces around in me and there is no peace or joy.

I also notice how much impatience I feel. I want what I want, and usually want it sooner rather than later. And I don’t want what is unpleasant or frightening.

By slowing down and going through this process I discover that this old habit begins to unravel at the edges. Habits cannot bear close scrutiny. They only work in the dark—the unconscious.

To investigate unhelpful emotions and reactions requires motivation that leads us to the creation of a happier life and a better world.

The question is whether we are going to settle for short term solutions that lead to long term losses. Blame will always end in sorrow and unhappiness.

If we are interested in creating a happy and peaceful life let us commit ourselves to noticing when the mind is blaming—ourselves, another, or any condition in life.

At first it may be painful to note how often our first response to an unwanted situation is blame and anger. But noticing our habitual reactions is the first step.

Unskillful habits need to be changed and we are the only ones who can do this important work for ourselves. We choose our attitudes—how we view life. No one chooses for us.

Socrates wisely said that an unexamined life is a life not worth living.

The truth is that we are not in control of results. We can choose our attitude, but cannot control the outcome.

But we can remind ourselves that universal energy is weaving things together in a mysterious way that brings new learning and possibilities into our world. This is a world view that I treasure.

The universe knows how to evolve. I can trust universal energies to grow organically. And this takes time—and patience.

In the meantime each of us may remember that we can rest in the underlying arms of God as Deuteronomy 33:27 states:

“The eternal God is your refuge. And underneath are the everlasting arms.”

The eternal arms of universal love, also known as the “don’t know” mind, is a place of refuge I go to often. The universe that is always filled with the energy of a love that is beyond our understanding knows what to do and how to do it.

There is no blame in love—only healing energy that helps all life evolve. This energy is helping each of us grow into our True Selves and live fully.

We all deserve happiness. We are all here in these bodies to learn, to grow and to bring love into the world.

In lovingkindness,

Rev. Billie

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