What about the one before that?
And what about the conversation you are having in your head—with yourself?
Allowing love to be part of our conversation may be more difficult, and more necessary than we think. That is, if we value contentment and serenity.
Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Love, suggests that we let love be part of our conversations—every conversation.
Love is a heavily charged word. It implies something different to each of us. Much of our culture believes love to be attachment to people, places or things. To some, love may involve self sacrifice.
Love, to me, is the universal energy that connects, supports and nourishes all that is.
Love, as connective universal energy, is invisible, intangible and cannot be grasped. It is the basic Source of all that is.
Love includes everything and leaves nothing out. It is an energy available to all of us every moment. It comes from our “better angels.”
No matter what our definition of love is, I think we may agree that love includes kindness, consideration of others, sensitivity to the feelings and views of others.
I believe love also includes speaking our truth in the most timely and gentle way. It does not hide, mask or deceive.
We either connect or disconnect through our words.
Words are conversation. Words are energy. They are creative.
The impact of our words will largely depend upon the intention behind them—whether we desire to feel more connected at the end of our conversation—or disconnected.
For myself I have deep remorse over the careless words I have spoken. I feel the hurt they have caused.
Perhaps I was in too much of a hurry to get things accomplished, to defend myself or to make my point. Thus my words came out of fear and scarcity.
My heart hurts as I reflect on the many conversations I have had in which I tried to change someone’s mind, make something happen, or force conditions to meet what I wanted.
I can’t change the past, but I can do something this moment. Right now I can let love be part of the conversation I am having with myself.
I can bring kindness to the emotions I am presently experiencing.
I can hold myself and say, “Honey, I’m here for you. I know you’re hurting. You spoke from old conditioning. At that moment you couldn’t have done anything else because of causes and conditions that had been set into motion. But now is a new moment. I’m here with you. I’m holding you. I will never leave you. I am a part of you and go wherever you go. You can count on me.”
As I speak these words I physically wrap my arms around myself, and gently rock myself. Over time as I treat myself with kindness I automatically am kinder to others because my heart feels more loving, more accepting of the way things are.
It is a fact that what we feel inside just sort of pours out onto others, like it or not.
When I feel more loved and appreciated I will respond in a softer and more appropriate way to whatever occurs. I am more empathetic and compassionate.
We all have difficulties and catastrophic situations to meet from time to time. This is the human condition. Much as we might like to change another’s experience, we cannot do this directly. But our lovingkindness makes a difference.
Love doesn’t demand that anything changes.
I believe our work begins on our own minds. What is our attitude?
Thus my work is with myself. How loving and kind are my conversations? This is where I have some control.
At times my words need to be firm. Speaking the word “No” is a very appropriate response to hurtful actions. But is there still love in our heart for the other?
If we have disconnected in our heart we will be a part of the problems of our world.
Disconnectedness, alienation and isolation cause suffering, sadness and disease. As well as war. This causes breakdowns and the center cannot hold.
Love brings conditions together in a new way.
Ultimately I believe love offers total freedom as love never forces anything to happen. It simply allows energy to flow freely, trusting that whatever happens will truly be for the best.
Through this activity a new center is born that brings together all the parts. Synergy births something new.
All this takes as long as it takes, for we are developing new habits. We are becoming mindful.
Real change takes time.
As the Dalai Lama says: When possible be kind. And it’s always possible.”